The ability to hold seamless conversations with strangers isn’t a forte for everyone. There’s a reason icebreakers have become a thing. In a bid to start or sustain a conversation, many Nigerians ask strangers questions and share advice that sometimes come off as offensive or weird, especially for people living with disability. 

In this article, five Nigerians living with disabilities share some of the questions they often get asked and how they responded. 

Olajumoke- Amputee

One question I get asked the most is ‘what happened?’

It’s not like people will just walk up to me and ask that anyway. I have just noticed that if I am having a rapport with someone, they first look at me. And in doing so, they try so hard to make it look like they are not looking. 

At that point, I know the question they are asking in their mind. Some of them don’t say anything, but those bold enough go on to ask, ‘What happened?’ 

I am not offended when people ask this, except if their tone is rude or they sound like I am dying. I answer some people when I feel like it. For others, I just say I don’t want to talk about it. 

I actually had an accident when I was young. My hand was giving me problems, and after the nurse used an unsterilized injection on my hand, it became worse till I had to cut it off.

Mary- Partial blindness caused by Albinism

I get asked a lot of questions, but the one I will share is the one that someone asked me on a bus which had me shaking profusely.

I was on my way back from work in the evening and in a queue for public transport. The bus finally arrived, and the guy that stood behind me in the queue picked a seat beside me when we had boarded. 

I don’t know if what he did right after was how he learnt to ‘toast’ women o. I may not put it word for word, but he just asked ‘why are you walking under the sun? Did you not learn not to walk under the sun from your mother?’ I didn’t say it exactly how he said it, but he insinuated that I am an albino because my mum walked under the sun when she was pregnant with me, so I should have learnt and stayed away from the sun. 

It didn’t even make any sense. I was stunned and confused. I just faced the window. Till today I still think back and say ‘what?’ I actually wish I had given him a piece of my mind that day, but I am a jeje (easy going*) woman.

Austin- Club foot

The question I get asked the most is the usual ‘what happened to you?’ o. 

Most people don’t have the courage to ask, but when they do, I answer. 

I was born this way, so nothing happened to me. Another question I get asked is if I am in pain or ‘how does it feel?’ How am I supposed to describe it? 

I just ignore those questions, but the one about pain, I answer them. Like, ‘why would you be asking me how it feels?’ It’s absurd. People have the audacity in this Nigeria and it is always those mummies or aunties.

Firdaus- Uses a Wheelchair

Okay, not a question, but I had one preacher question me about my religion. You know those guys that stand on the road with megaphones? He asked if I was Christian and went to church, and I said “no”. 

It is not like it is easy to go around Abeokuta with a wheelchair and I am Muslim. He was preaching to me, and then he asked if I had gone to a pastor for my healing. 

I was confused, honestly. I told him I was a Muslim. He said it is because I have not received Jesus that I am using a wheelchair. My brother wasted no time in wheeling me away. 

Another question I get asked the most is ‘do you believe you can walk again?’ 

It’s only the people that I tell what happened to me that ask this. It’s not rude; I just feel like you shouldn’t be asking me such questions. Sometimes I respond to their questions, and sometimes, I don’t.

Peter- Uses Crutches

People often ask, “can you walk without the stick?’ 

And in a brutal retort, I sometimes say, “Yes, I am holding it for decoration.” 

If you couldn’t tell already, I was being sarcastic. People see me using my crutches to support myself, yet they ask something like that. 

I have a mean face, so I just look at them with one of my mean looks. They know they are wrong and they step back. I don’t bother answering.

Ideally, asking questions is not a crime. It all just depends on how you ask them. As long as you are polite and not judgemental, there should be nothing to worry about. We advocate that if you are not sure about what you want to ask, take a step back so you don’t offend others.

But this is Nigeria, people get confidence die.

Quick Read: “My Son Has No Use For a Sickler”; The Harrowing Experience of a Sickle Cell Warrior in Nigeria