“Love is beautiful, until it makes you question everything. Did I even know what I wanted in a man? Had I been settling? One minute, I thought I had found love. The next, the relationship was ending in unexpected heartbreak and insults, I had to take a step back. The breakup forced me to reassess my standards, my values, and what I truly want from love. Now, I’m talking to someone new, but I’m not sure I’m ready. What if it all falls apart again?”
For Teni*, 24, love has been a journey of uncertainty, self-awareness and self-respect. After a four-month relationship that ended in insults, she’s rethinking everything she thought she knew about love. In this issue, she chats to JD about everything.
Limes or Lemons? How’s dating been for you?
Lmao. I’ll say neither. Let me just say it has been nice. My last relationship made me take a step back and reassess everything. I realised that I wasn’t even sure what I wanted in a partner. It forced me to think deeply about the kind of man I truly want.
So, what are you looking for?
Non-negotiable? He has to be a Christian. A child of God. Second, he shouldn’t see me as a threat. I don’t want a man who thinks I’m less smart just because we don’t have the same interests. My last relationship taught me that.
Let’s talk about that relationship.
I’ve been in two serious relationships. The first ended because we wanted different things in life. At the time, I was angry, but now? I’m grateful. If we had stayed together, it would have ended way worse. We had to part ways because we both agreed we just could not continue.
And the most recent one?
I met him while serving as a corps member. We had known each other from fellowship back in school – not exactly friends, just acquaintances. When he said he liked me, I thought, why not? For the first three months, everything seemed fine. Then things fell apart.
What happened?
I went through a rough patch and couldn’t answer his calls for a few days. I wasn’t in a good place emotionally, but when I came out of it, I apologised.
He didn’t accept it?
For him, an apology wasn’t enough. He felt I couldn’t just disappear and go scot-free after saying sorry. That was when the problems started. I even tried to involve people to help me talk to him, but he refused. Eventually, he said we should end things. But not before hurling insults at me.
READ ALSO: He sent ‘apology funds’ after beating me but it just wasn’t enough…
What did he say?
I’d rather not repeat it. It affected me so much that it took a few of my friends and my mentor to remind me that I’m not the things he called me.
How long did the relationship last?
Four months.
Are you still in touch?
No. And we won’t be.
That’s blunt. The breakup must have affected you a lot.
Yes, it did, to be honest. It forced me to ask myself, “Why did I even like him?” And the truth I eventually realised? I had no real reason. I was ashamed of myself. The good thing, though, is that the breakup made me more ambitious. I wanted to do things for myself instead of focusing on relationships.
Did you notice any red flags before the breakup?
Not at the start. But after it ended, I saw all the signs I ignored.
Are you open to a new relationship now?
Funny enough, I’m talking to someone. However, if I’m being honest, I’m scared. It’s not even about long distance. That’s the least of my worries. It’s the uncertainty. What if this person wakes up one day and decides I’m not good enough? What if he suddenly says, “I never really liked you like that”? These thoughts haunt me.
Speaking of distance, you are cool with long-distance relationships then?
I’m fine with it as long as we’re intentional about making it work.
And sex in relationships?
I don’t believe in premarital sex. My values don’t align with it.
What’s the craziest thing you’ve done for love?
Nothing, really. I have boundaries. And I wouldn’t expect anyone to do crazy things for me either.
So nobody has done any sweet or crazy thing for you?
Hmmm. Actually, the guy I’m currently talking to did. And it touched me deeply. Late last year, before we even defined anything, he travelled all the way to see me. No commitment, no pressure. Just “I like you, and I would like us to give this thing a chance…” It touched me because I probably wouldn’t have done the same.
Interesting. Thinking longterm, do you have a timeline for marriage?
It’s funny. I used to think that by the end of this year, I’d at least have done an introduction ceremony or something. But today, I feel differently. I am at the point of “Why am I even stressing myself?” I have no timeline anymore.
Makes sense. Staying on time, what’s the longest you can date before marriage?
Two to three years. I’ve already decided that I won’t get married until I finish my Master’s degree programme and have some stability.
Valentine’s Day is coming. Do you have any plans?
It’ll be just another day unless something surprising happens. Nothing has ever happened in the past, but sha, let me keep hope alive.
If you give the readers one gift from your love journey, what would it be?
Set your values early in life. Know what you stand for. That way, you won’t waste time dating mad people.
ICYMI: Issue 1 – I Wanted Him But The Streets Didn’t Want to Let Him Go
*Pseudonym
KloutBox #LoveBox Series
This story is part of the KloutBox #LoveBox series, celebrating Valentine’s Day by sharing real stories about love, heartbreak, and everything in between. Subscribe to our newsletter here so you can be the first to know when we release the next issue in the series.
