If you are a lapobaby, you have likely been there – squashed in a public bus from Ojuelegba to Ikate, listening to Nzaza by Asake, minding your own business, when suddenly a voice cuts through the noise: Do you know what this miracle cream can do for your pimples?
You look up, and there they are: a Lagos bus vendor. One of the fascinating breed of entrepreneurs who turn cramped spaces into bustling marketplaces.
Far from the tales you might have heard about how easy it is to sell anything, becoming a successful bus vendor requires a unique blend of street smartness, salesmanship, and a good dose of charm. You are about to earn a mini-MBA that qualifies you to live a day in their life.
First, Don The All-Important Bag
Forget fancy briefcases, for a bus vendor, your bag is your mobile office and your most trusted companion. You won’t see any sleek, brand-new luggage here. Instead, picture a sturdy, well-worn bag – the kind that have seen a few journeys, like the classic ‘Ghana Must Go’ or even an old BAGCO sack.
Why the rugged look? Well, it tells a story. It suggests you’re a seasoned pro, someone who knows the ropes. Plus, these tough bags are surprisingly practical, keeping your precious wares safe from the roughness of the journey and the occasional curious hand.
And if we are keeping it real, a worn-out bag probably won’t scream “rob me!” to anyone looking for a quick steal, even if they were loaded with sales money.
It’s Beyond Just Trying to Sell
Think bus vendors are just loud? Think again! They’re masters of public speaking on wheels.
You can’t be shy if you want to make a sale. The goal is to make everyone in the bus know you’re there, and not just through your voice. It’s about being engaging and a bit of a social butterfly.
This means more than just hawking goods. It’s about breaking the ice with a warm smile to that stern-looking person in the corner, because why not, a good smile disarms people.
It’s about problem-solving. For example, when a crying baby is causing a sales buzzkill. A good vendor would often try to soothe the little one, earning moral points from frustrated parents.
And it’s about mediating disputes when passengers argue over a seat, stepping in to play peacemaker to show you’re a helpful, community-minded individual, and that goodwill can translate into sales later.
The more you interact, the more you subtly build trust and rapport. Before they know it, those tight-fisted passengers might just find themselves reaching for their wallets.
The World of Persuasion Where Post-Truth Rules
The unspoken truth is most products sold on a bus are not certified by global or even local pharmaceutical giants, yet many of them claim to be able to ‘cure-all’. But in the world of bus vending, the facts don’t matter. Agenda na orphan; e no get papa, e no get mama. Persuasion is king. Your job isn’t just to sell a product; it’s to convince people they need that product.
This often involves a touch of storytelling, a sprinkle of exaggeration, and a dash of urgency. You might tell tales of how a specific cream miraculously cleared someone’s pimples in five minutes (even if it took a week). Or how those ten items in your hand are the very last ones available in Nigeria (even if you have a carton full at home).
And the classic promise: “If this doesn’t work, find me right here tomorrow and get your money back!” (Good luck finding them, but the promise itself is often enough). It’s all part of the theatrical performance that goes into moving those goods.
Branding is Everything
Nigerians, generally speaking, have a soft spot for anything imported. This isn’t a secret, and bus vendors leverage it brilliantly. Rarely will you hear a bus vendor declare their product was brewed in a local kitchen. Oh no, it’s always something more exotic and prestigious!
Prepare to say things about international origins, like your medicine being painstakingly developed by Indian researchers over decades. You’ll speak about exclusive distribution, with claims that your company is the only licensed distributor of this product worldwide.
And don’t forget the endorsements, real or imagined, perhaps even “endorsed by the WHO,” even if it was just produced in someone’s backyard last week.
Sometimes, it even involves mystical sources, like mustard seeds from a rare tree found only in Israel, with the vendor acting as your humble messenger bringing them to you. It’s all about branding and making the product sound more significant, effective, and exclusive than it might actually be. The more exotic the tale, the more appealing the product often becomes.
Your Bus Stop is Everywhere
A dedicated bus vendor doesn’t have a specific destination in mind. Your “bus stop” is effectively the entire route, and sometimes, the journey back again. The moment you alight too early, you might miss out on that one potential customer who was just about to be swayed.
A common tactic is to stick with the bus for as long as possible, even helping the conductor call out stops to avoid paying their own fare. This allows you to maximize your exposure to different passengers throughout the day. The bus isn’t just a mode of transport; it’s your moving storefront, open for business from dawn till dusk.
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Making Every Naira Count
Who doesn’t love a good deal? Bus vendors know this, and they use imaginary discounts and enticing offers to reel in even the most frugal passengers. You’ll often have to speak about unbeatable prices, with claims like “You won’t find this price anywhere else in the world, not even at the pharmacy.”
You will also use bundle deals, like “Buy one, get one free. Buy two, get two free”, these tactics are pure gold for melting the hearts of hesitant buyers. And of course, the sense of exclusivity: “I’m the sole marketer of this in all of West Africa! If you find it elsewhere, it’ll be at exorbitant prices”.
These aren’t just sales pitches; they’re psychological ploys designed to create a sense of urgency and value, making customers feel like they’re getting an absolute steal.
A Product for Every Season
One of the most fascinating aspects of being a bus vendor is adaptability. You don’t specialize in just one product. Your inventory shifts with the times, the trends, and even the weather. Selling mustard seeds today? Tomorrow, it might be sexual enhancement drugs. This month, “miracle water”, next month, a new pimple cream. Bus vendors are quick to spot what’s in demand and so, you must pivot their offerings accordingly.
Being a Nigerian bus vendor is a unique career choice, blending entrepreneurship with performance art. It’s a demanding hustle, but for those with the right blend of charisma, resilience, and a knack for persuasion, it’s a vibrant way to make a living on the ever-moving stage of a public bus.
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