You go just dey reason your life. Does it ever end? This story is actually not about me, but all of us… who Nigeria has shown shege. I know you will want to call me a prophet but don’t… at least, not until you read to the end.
You remember clearly and everything seems like moments ago. Yet, it’s been a few years already. You are only a teenager, precisely in secondary school. The egbon adugbos call your parents aside that evening and they advise them. They say it is best for you to learn a skill before leaving school. They add the usual phrase, “the world is evolving”, so education should not be relied on solely.
So, Daddy and Mummy return from the residents association meeting. They tell you that you can be educated and still be a barber. You can be educated and still be a tailor or whatever handiwork you want to learn. They use your teacher, Mrs Feranmi, who sells recharge cards in the staff room as an example. You take a deep breath. And then, you agree with them that the world is changing and there’s no harm in learning a skill at least.
You start learning how to barb from Uncle Adio down the street. Every day, you resume in his shop immediately after school. You stand behind Uncle Adio whenever he’s barbing for a customer. After two months of apprenticeship, Uncle Adio allows you to start barbing for the small boys who come to cut.
A few years later, you finish secondary school. You are already a professional barber. Thanks to your multitasking abilities. You juggled preparation for WAEC and GCE while learning to barb. You felt proud of yourself. Now, you have education and the much touted ‘skills’. Maybe life can begin now.
Plot twist. The egbon adugbos are standing outside the graduation hall again, after participating in the ganusi ceremony for fresh school leavers. They tell you you can’t stop here. You have to go the University. Ah! Higher education. You thought that education is education naw. It don’t matter if it were only secondary school, abi how do those Bri’ish people say it?
They tell you that if you go to the University and study a particular course, in the next few years, you will have graduated. Then, you will get a job, buy a car, build a house, and get married. Wow! Is that so? Una for don talk since now.
You gain admission to the University to study political science. You feel that way, you could easily become a politician. Yes, an educated politician. While in school, your barbering skills come in handy on the days sapa wanted to finish you. You start barbing for the boys in your hostel. ₦300 here and ₦500 there with a little financial support from home keep your body going.
You manage to finish with a second-class upper in political science. During CDS in NYSC, you hear that tech is the new oil in Nigeria and that if you want to be your boss and earn so much money of your own, you have to learn a tech skill.
You inquired about these tech skills; you find that they are not exactly your interest. But it’s the new oil anyway, you have no choice but to learn a programming language. This, after searching for jobs for months after graduation, to no avail. You finish learning the tech skill, but you find that to get a job in tech isn’t as easy as they said. You feel frustrated.
You think of using your degree in political science to do something. But now, they are saying you have to go for your Masters if you want to be taken seriously in your search for jobs.
Recently, you saw that in Nigeria, about 1.8 million people enter the labour market each year, while only 1.1 million new jobs are created. You do a rough calculation. Argh. Does this mean that only about 0.7 million people become unemployed each year? Wahala don dey o.
As you were still processing that information, you see on Elon Musk’s X that Web 3 is the new oil. What the f**k is Web 3?! After learning barbering and tech and becoming a graduate, what else do you people want?! Why must I do so many jobs to survive as a Nigerian youth? Why?!
Omoo, this isn’t the adulthood you were promised. You feel scammed. No, you don’t have a car yet. You are yet to build a house. You are still not married. You are in your freaking early thirties and Nigeria is dealing with you!
God sees all.
