You’ve heard it since you were 17. “Guy, you don knack before?” It starts as a joke. Then it turns to ridicule. Then silence.
You’re the boy at the back of the class, laughing nervously when the guys talk about the girls they’ve “laid.” You nod like you know. You even form small lie. “Me sef dey para for that babe,” when you’ve barely held hands with one.
But you don’t want to be the odd one out. You don’t want to be that guy, the virgin. The untouched. The inexperienced. Because in today’s society, male virginity is not sacred. It’s suspicious.
No one teaches you that keeping your body can be a choice. Instead, they teach you to see it as a burden. Something to get rid of. Sharp sharp. As early as possible.
Girls, on the other hand, are told to “keep it,” like it’s a prize. Their virginity is policed. Monitored. Protected, sometimes violently. But you? You’re expected to lose yours in the dirt. At the back of a keke, in your compound’s backyard, with your neighbour’s daughter. Anywhere. With anyone. Anything to prove that you’re a man.
Virginity, for you, isn’t innocence. It’s shame.
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It’s in the way your guys sneer when you say you’ve never had sex. It’s the way your girlfriend paused when you told her. She said “Aww, that’s sweet,” but something in her eyes dimmed. She started pulling back. You were now a project. A boy to be trained. An experience to be upgraded. Something about it made you feel less than.
The funny thing is, you’re not even shy about your choice. You just want to wait till it feels right. Or maybe you’re scared. Maybe religion holds you back. Maybe you’re just not ready. But who do you tell that without sounding weak, or being labeled as “gay,” or unserious?
Even your pastor praises the sisters who keep their purity rings but forgets to ask the boys how they’re coping. Nobody asks how you fight the temptation – the sexual urges. Nobody tells you “Well done!” Just because society assumes your genitals should have no discipline as a man.
The worst part is the hypocrisy. These same people who roast you for being a virgin will also insult you for being too sexually active. “How many girls you don chop?” If it’s too many, you’re a dog. If it’s none, you’re a boy. There’s no winning on this matter. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t!
You begin to wonder, is sex the only way to prove masculinity? What about respect, kindness, vulnerability, integrity? But who has time for that when knacking is the all and be all?
You’ve met other boys like you. The ones who laugh the loudest when sex is mentioned but look away when the gist gets too real. The ones who pray every day for strength, but never admit it out loud. You’ve seen the guilt on their faces and the desire to explore ‘cus the pressure keeps getting worse.
It is okay to accept that you’re okay being a virgin as a young man. You’re still figuring it out. And that’s okay. That doesn’t make you less of man. You’re just a human being, navigating a world that tries to define your worth by a single act.
One day, you believe you will share this with someone special, at the time that you desire. No fret, you are right. So, hold your truth. Loud and proud. Because this society no go give you permission to be real. You gats take am yourself. And until then, stay guarded, my guy.
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