If you are reading this, it is likely that sapa don hook you before and you know how sapa operates – an empty bank account and an uneasy mind, or you don hear sey pesin mind dey at rest when sapa choke? 

Sapa makes you question everything around you, including yourself. This means that at some point when you were sapa’s student, you must have asked one or more of these questions.

“Who finished the money?”

Nigerians always ask this question when they see that their account is red. Maybe it is me that finished it because when you were doing ‘we outside’ you did not remember that the ‘savings or current’ you were answering to would come from your account. 

Now that feasting is over and famine has come, you are looking for who finished it. You can look from now till next year, you will not find the person. That’s why it’s important to always have a “sapa-proof budget” comrade.

“Do I really need two kidneys?”

On a normal level, Nigerians don’t remember that they have two kidneys until sapa choke 😤. It is then that they remember that their kidney is healthy and they can function with only one 😄.

They begin to Google the price of a kidney in Dollars and even go ahead to convert it to Naira. And with the recent rise in Dollar rate, they think that the money might be able to lift them out of the trenches for a while. 

We know many of you want to japa but sapa dey worry you, but think am well, no go sell your kidney cos of sapa o. 🤔

“Can’t I survive on garri alone?”

As local man cannot afford Jollof rice, his next resort is locally roasted cassava flakes aka garri. 

A question that plagues the minds of Nigerians when sapa is showing them pepper is if they can survive on only garri. This kind of garri is not the type that is eaten with coconut, groundnut or milk (that is a rich man’s meal). 

There are no nutrients, just cassava, sugar and H₂O. Once the answer to this question is yes, local man is set for life. 

“Have my village people finally won?”

The toxic relationship between Nigerians and their village people is what causes some kind of misfortune sometimes. 

That is why when a Nigerian is suffering in the hands of sapa, his immediate conclusion is that his village people are behind it – which could be very true. 

Now, when the suffering becomes unbearably long and abnormal, it means their village people have won. That is why they ask this question.

“Should I start OnlyFans?”

As people are cashing out with OnlyFans, when money no dey, some Nigerians begin to contemplate joining this website to make money.

“Were Adam and Eve not naked before they ate the apple? If God created us naked, who are we to wear clothes?”

Well, we understand you when you say: That is where Kim Kardashian started, and now, she is a billionaire – in dollars! 

Carry on!

“Will EFCC carry me if I start yahoo?”

When sapa pushes a person to the extreme, they begin to look for easy and quick ways to make money, and with the way yahoo boys make their work look like they make easy and quick money, the question is top of the mind of many students of sapa.

However, the fear of EFCC makes that decision a lirru bit tough. With their constant and unpredictable raids, venturing into it is rightfully very tough.

You’re saying “if I perish, I perish bah?” Look! You might actually perish.

Sapa can make you think of things you’ve never thought of before – it’s a package deal. So, if you have asked yourself any of these questions before, you are not alone. 

From thinking about how you will survive to new business ideas, sapa leaves you racking your brain.

Are there other questions you ask yourself when sapa strikes? Put them in the comments and let’s have a laugh together.

If things are perhaps too tough for you already that you can’t even laugh, then you probably need some “Aspire to Maguire” for comrades battling with Sapa to hold body.